Get the hang of Glasgow slang
Words Alistair Duncan Illustration Harry Malt @ Debutart
The city dialect is one of Glasgow’s proudest creations. A lively mixture of English, Scots and a good measure of salty slang that is wholly alien to anyone born beyond the city’s borders, the Glaswegian way of speaking is one of a kind. Known affectionately as “the patter”, the dialect is much cherished among its native inhabitants. But, sadly, anyone not from Scotland’s largest city – including people born elsewhere in the UK, and even other Scots – often has one simple problem when they confront it: they cannae ken a word o’t. That is, they can’t understand a word of it.
The trickiness of this most slippery of British tongues was highlighted this year, when it was revealed that a bus company in Glasgow was employing one of its drivers to give classes in “Glaswegian” to its Eastern European employees. Over the past few years, bus drivers there have increasingly come from Poland, as well as countries such as Hungary, the Czech Republic and Slovakia; but, despite being able to speak very good English, they have often felt upon reaching Glasgow and that they have arrived on another planet.
“A lot of Poles understand normal English, having been taught it at school,” explains James Lillis, who runs his language courses for bus drivers at First Glasgow, the city’s main bus operator.
“But when they come to Glasgow, they cannot make out a word people say. They expect people to speak English such as: ‘The black cat walked across the road’. They find it the way people in Glasgow talk very strange.”
Evidently, typical Glaswegian phrases like “big man” (a term of endearment, like “mate”) and “nae bother” (never mind) had poor bus drivers from Warsaw and Krakow scratching their heads in befuddlement; other, trickier sentences such as “gie’s a hon wi the messages” (please help me with my groceries) or “geezan aw day tae the toon” (may I have an all-day ticket to town?) had them gawping with utter bewilderment.
But many Brits share their views. Though a recent survey found the Glasgow accent regarded as one of the UK’s “most trustworthy”, it’s often very hard to decipher.
So how did this distinctive dialect emerge? It goes back to its days as a port city. From the 18th century, it became a major hub for trade, attracting immigrants from across the British Isles, especially Ireland. In a tough, hard-working city, where social graces were reserved for only its most well-off districts, men and women survived by their wits. Glasgow’s port and dockyards became rowdy meeting places where working class accents and vocabularies from afar would mingle, producing the distinctive patter.
People from Glasgow are proud of they way they speak. It singles them out, stamps them as sons and daughters of the city. Football manager Sir Alex Ferguson, actor Robert Carlyle or singer Sharleen Spiteri are fairly eloquent examples. But as for the Glasgow patter, try not to get too hot and bothered by this most fiendish of British tongues. Or, to put it another way: if you havnae a scooby what folk say, there’s nae need tae take the spur.
GLOSSARY OF GLESGA
To stoat down – to rain heavily (“It wis stoatin down.”)
Mince – rubbish, nonsense (“He talks a lot of mince”)
Jeg – a soft drink (“Gi us a jeg.”)
Scooby – clue (Glasgow rhyming slang from Scooby-Doo, “I havnae a scooby.”)
To neb – to pry around (“You can have a good neb round the place.”)
Skoosh – something easy (“The exam wis a skoosh.”)
Tube – an idiot (“Ee’s a tube.”)
Jeely jar – a car (Glasgow rhyming slang)
The kipper’s knickers – a variation on “the bee’s knees” (“She thinks she’s the kipper’s knickers.”)
Take the spur – take offence (“Nae need tae take the spur.”)
Tin flute – suit (Glasgow rhyming slang, variation on London’s Cockney rhyming slang, whistle and flute)
Stormer – an excellent thing (“Ma new guitar is a stormer!”)
Full as a puggy – very drunk
Stooshie – an uproar or row (“He’s a popular guy an there’ll be some stooshie if ye sack him.”)
